What I Want Every ADHD Parent to Know

Jul 22, 2025

As a therapist who used to treat kids with ADHD, now treats women with ADHD, has it herself, and is also a ADHD mom, here are some things I wish every ADHD parent knew. And if you're a teacher or have any ADHD kids in your life, this is for you too. More than anything I want you to know these kids aren't lazy, defiant, ignoring you or trying to make your life as hard and chaotic as they do. Their brains just process the world differently. But let's face it, it is exhausting and emotionally draining having a child with ADHD. And if you have a child with this condition the odds that either you or your partner have it are very high. So the strategies and habits that will help your child thrive are probably really difficult for you to put in place if you also have the condition. That said, let's dive in:

Your child isn’t being challenging on purpose just to annoy you and make life hard. ADHD is a neurological, not a behavioral one. It is not a choice. (Believe me, no one chooses this...it is hell.) Impulsivity, forgetfulness, and emotional outbursts aren’t things they choose to not control, they're things they can't control. At least not as young kids.
Discipline and punishment does not fix executive dysfunction. There is no amount of punishment that will make your child suddenly remember to hang up their towel, not flick the dog's ears when they're bored or get dressed faster. Their brain just does not work like that. They need outside support like visuals, timers, and reminders to build these skills. But you can't discipline a behavior that had no intent behind it (which goes for neurotypical kids too).
They are trying hard already; harder than it looks and harder than you think. Acknowledging that frequently does wonders to build their self esteem. Kids with ADHD have chronically low self esteem and hear way more criticism than we realize. Encouragement builds confidence and motivation.
Movement helps them focus, even if it looks like distraction. Wiggling, bouncing, fidgeting and pacing aren't signs of misbehavior or disrespect, they're regulation. Your child might need to wiggle, fidget, or bounce to engage and stimulate their brain. Which ironically may help them behave better! Instead of forcing stillness, try allowing movement-friendly environments when possible.
Emotional regulation comes before behavior. ADHD kids have big emotions and they're often intense.The inability to regulate themselves is at the core of ADHD so struggling to regulate emotions comes up often. When they’re dysregulated, logic won’t work. Trying to reason with them and getting them to see something rationally will NOT work until their emotions are regulated. Co-regulation (calm voice, deep breaths, validation) helps them learn to manage emotions over time. Choosing connection before correction will do wonders for your relationship and sanity.
You don’t have to do this alone. Parenting an ADHD child is exhausting. It's so exhausting we need a new word for exhausting! It’s okay to need support, whether from a therapist, a support group, guides...whatever structured strategies that work for you. I'm a therapist with a vast knowledge of ADHD and still need to rely on outside support to help me. This is not something you can or should do alone.