What I Know to Be True At the End of 2023
The kids are not alright, none of us are right
I'm tired, but I won't sleep tonight
'Cause I still feel alive
I couldn’t think of a better way to summarize how I feel at the end of this year other than to share lines from P!nk’s masterpiece, “Irrelevant”. I’m so very tired but also feel more alive than ever. This year went by faster than the one before which I say every year. January drudges along and as soon as the calendar turns to February the pace picks up and well, here we are. As much as I would love to reflect on the year, what I accomplished and what I want to change in the coming year, I am spent. The holiday sprint was a lot, Christmas was good AND overstimulating, and I’m riding out winter break with my children.
So instead, today I’m centering truths I’ve either realized and/or accepted over the last 12 months to share with you. Without further ado:
What I Know to Be True
Real self care is not something outside of yourself. It can’t be bought and it is actually really hard work.
There is always something harder ahead of us. I know that sounds a bit pessimistic but I think this can be true AND the best can still be yet to come. Knowing that there will always be something even harder on the horizon frees me up to tackle whatever is hard right now instead of avoiding it. That way I can get back to the good stuff because I know something harder is coming eventually so I want to enjoy what’s good when I can. It also reminds me I’m resilient and I can handle a lot.
Also, not everything has to be hard. It’s taken me a long time to accept that sometimes things just come together easily. And that isn’t a sign that everything is about to fall apart or I better be hypervigilant. Some things are just easy and that’s actually okay. I am worthy of ease.
Not one relationship in my life lacks boundaries and this is an ongoing, fluid practice that I know I need to keep up in order to feel good.
Medicating my ADHD was the right choice for me. I’m coming up on two years of this and while I have a lot to say on this experience, my biggest takeaway is that I wish I wouldn’t have tortured myself with indecision and started it sooner. Not much has changed honestly. Things are still hard but the rough edges are just a little smoother. This was the first year I let myself plant flowers in the spring and actually kept them alive all year. I didn’t panic when my kids got a new game that required me to read the instructions and teach it to them. I actually did it and played the game (I understood the instructions!) instead of passing it off to my husband. And I didn’t completely drown when my business grew again because I was able to execute just a couple of the ideas that flood my brain like a river 24/7.
I rarely regret dealing with conflict head on after it’s over.
Parenting doesn’t get easier…at least for me (sorry moms). Some parts do for sure, don’t get me wrong- you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to have three toddlers again and at 10 years old and 8.5 I wish I could freeze just about everything about these ages. But the emotional responsibility and toll on me of navigating their social and emotional development? And hoping I’m getting it right? Holy shit.
Coffee is still worth getting up early for every single morning.
Sturdy marriages/partnerships require taking each other on again and again- especially when you don’t want to. There’s so much goodness and vulnerability to be had if you let it be had.
The bad things that have happened to me still hurt and make me furious and I don’t need to forgive and forget to not get stuck in my hurt and rage. I can accept that the thing that happened will likely always lead me to those feelings, but it’s on me to decide how often I’m going to entertain them. Which is rare.
A lot of the time the hurtful thoughts I have about myself aren’t true and it really benefits me to investigate the accuracy of them before I spiral.
I suffer immensely when I try to make my neurodivergent self fit into a neurotypical world. This year I focused hard on adapting what I could about my world to work for me and it freed me from so much shame. I’m so much happier.
Everything is temporary.
Money spent on travel, art/music and experiences are the best investments to me and feel like real fruits of my labor. I decided early in 2023 I did not need anymore sweaters (or whatever good) to make me feel worthy. They just amounted to more clutter, less financial freedom and more shit to donate at the end of the year.
As much as I want to try to embrace trends here and there, I’ve accepted I have a style that I like and feel good in and I’m finally fine with that. Mostly!
I don’t need other people to think what I’m doing is cool or good nearly as much as I used to think I did.
I can’t force anyone to change and no one will change before they’re ready to.
Good things continue to come from decisions that start with me asserting “fuck this” or “fuck that”.
What about you…what you have you found to be true from your experiences this year?
Wishing you acceptance, fun, peace and love…
Melissa
P.S.
If you’re looking for tips to set you up for a successful transition into the new year, check out this post from January.